Friday, May 28, 2010

Life is at a standstill

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." ~ Antole France

I can't help but feel like the days are going away from me and yet they change nothing with its passing. Maybe I am getting older with each day but it still feels like I am the same and today is no different from a few days before and the same for a few days ahead. I am not complaining about this stagnancy but is it to be endured with patience or is it meant to be the alter ego of a sudden change in my life inevitably nearby. I cannot help but wonder...

In the meantime I think why do my days no longer feel productive. I have no answer, life is a mystery even for the wise so I am left with many unanswered questions. Part of me would just like to slip into the same routine and let life become automatic and expected rather than live it. Yet another part of me feels left behind and I feel like moments too precious are passing me by without any form of resistance to my current feelings.

Maybe it is I am looking for something deeper to life as we all are. Will I find it? Only time shall tell. I feel like the air I am breathing is stale and I have inhaled it too many times before. There is so much to see and be and I am still the same. Circumstances have changed or have they? I am not sure anymore. Looking for fulfillment in the wrong places I suppose.

I think this yearning for a foothold on life and a place to belong will only grow with time. It is in the hope that one day I shall indeed find that which I sought out to claim as my own. Until then this is me saying I await the end to life as I know it.

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